my soul still feels incredibly hoarse, but i am going to attempt this post in a whisper. hoping and praying my brokenness doesn’t mask His goodness even when i can’t seem to find it. . .
lots of different words have rolled around in my head for this project. to be honest, i prayed about this a few weeks ago and had no inclination of what word the Lord wanted me to live out. so, i decided i wasn’t going to participate.
then last week happened. and i am a broken mess, but i survived it. ((glory to God alone)) and walking into much of what i have in the past seven days has required something that has been absent the past ten months. . .courage.
over the past week, this verse has played on repeat:
have i not commanded you? be strong and courageous. do not be fearful. do not be dismayed. for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
i was fearful. i was dismayed. completely unsure of what would be said. the worst possible scenario from my perspective played out. yet, in the midst of it there was courage. courage to pull my crumpled body off the floor and take a step. a baby step, but nevertheless a step. and as i continue to step in hard beyond hard there is something rising within my core.
courage to step out, even when it means stepping off the edge of a cliff.
courage to hold my head high and proclaim, “i am clothed with strength and dignity” even though my clothing feels a whole lot more like ‘weakness and shame’.
courage to allow myself to be seen when all i want to do is hide.
courage to step into the raging jordan. . .even though i doubt He will part the waters despite His promise.
i am realizing that courage has a huge role in healing. and healing is scary. lacing up my running shoes and sprinting in the opposite direction of the pain and hard seems like the easiest path to take, but that is the path of a coward. it is a path of living a life defined by fear.
instead of running away, i want to spend the next year courageously lacing up my shoes and running fast and hard toward Jesus. toward the painful realities of healing.
He commands courage. and most importantly, He promises to be with me wherever i go. so i am consciously choosing courage. . .wherever i go. . .
. . .whether the path in front of me consists of a concrete wall or a path laden with gold.