i need to blog. . .i need to write. i know that it will be cathartic in such a devastating time. i will have to warn, though, that it is going to be messy. horribly messy. my words may not make sense and they may vacillate between joy in seeing beauty of Christ working to anger at the same Lord for allowing my circumstance.
you see, i am just a normal girl. . .a normal girl with a not so normal story. i would not have chosen to write my story in the way the Lord has taken the pen and written for me. i have a story that only God himself could or would have written.
i am who i am today because of how He has written that story. this is my story, this is my song and i won’t apologize if it gets raw or makes you uncomfortable. you see, i don’t think God really meant life to be one big comfortable vacation here on this Earth. of course i believe that God allows seasons of beautiful blessing but i also believe He is right there in the desert, where life is most uncomfortable. many times i think He allows that desert so we will learn to trust him more fully and unabashedly.
c.s. lewis said:
God whispers in our pleasures, speaks in our conscious, but shouts in our pain. it’s His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.
God is shouting to me right now. . .and i am fairly certain He is using an extra large megaphone.
i am in pain. my heart is shredded. my dreams are shattered.
but by God’s grace, He is slowly picking up all of those pieces and create a beautiful, broken, godly woman.
don’t you love that word? i think the word “but” is one of the most beautiful words in scripture.
but God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ–by grace you have been saved.
we were dead in our transgressions “but God”, we were condemned to Hell because of our sins “but God”, Christ died on the cross “but God” raised him from the dead on the third day.
“but God” is so beautiful. it means that there is hope. that despite how destitute our circumstance or how horrible our life may be at any given moment, we can be rest assured that there will be a “but God” moment.
i don’t know what God is doing right now, but I know the “but God” is coming in my current circumstance.
i met the love of my life. he proposed. we were joyously planning our future. we both believed it was God’s will for us to marry. overnight he broke off our engagement and gave no explanation.
. . .this is my story. this is my song. the journey may get ugly. it may be messy. it will be raw.